I Want You To Want Me

I don't think I will ever wrap my head around rejection. Every time it happens it's so quick that it takes me by surprise and I have to pause to make sure it really happened. I wish I didn't feel this way. I wish I didn't want you as much as I do. I know I'm better off without you, but it doesn't change how I feel. I want to have someone care about me. Someone to care about how I feel instead of themselves for a change. I have feelings too damn it. I have a heart. Although it's seriously feeling pretty hard lately. I think keeping it wrapped up in chains maybe a good idea. I can't keep up with these horrible experiences. My heart keeps getting scratched, bruised and the scars won't fade. You can't fix them. But you could have stopped some of them. I should have made sure that you weren't able to be that close to me but I didn't because we already went down that road. You already took me to that place. I needed more, you can't give it to me. BUT I WANTED YOU STILL. I don't think I've ever felt so unloved in such a long time. And it hurts so much that when the day is done, when everything is over, you still didn't want to be with me. That I didn't matter enough to stay the night. Even though I had before. Even though I know so much about you. Nothing can compare to the rejection I felt tonight in the rain when you called me a friend. I should mean more. I should be more. But the day is done and your not here again. Or better yet, I'm not there with you again. I want to much from you that you aren't able to give. I accept that. I understand it. But my heart still breaks. It doesn't mean that I can't feel things just because I understand them. I haven't been able to make that distinction yet. But if you know the recipe, please share it because I can't keep from feeling like I'm unable to be loved.